


The cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon

by abigail89



Category: Star Trek (2009), Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Confessions, Family, Family Drama, M/M, Teen Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-14
Updated: 2011-10-14
Packaged: 2017-10-24 15:21:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/264992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abigail89/pseuds/abigail89
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Troubles between Bones and Joanna send Jim into something of an emotional tailspin.  And he wants it resolved.  Now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the [](http://where-no-woman.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://where-no-woman.livejournal.com/)**where_no_woman** Mother's Day fic-a-thon. My prompt was: _14\. McCoy discussing with Joanna (and/or Jim or Spock) why Jocelyn kept Joanna from him during the period immediately after the divorce when he was actively living at the bottom of a bottle - and how it was because she was a good mother._
> 
> Many thanks to my team of word war-ers who pushed me to get this fic written. Love & hugs, y’all. The title is from[ the song about absent fathers by Harry Chapin](http://www.harrychapin.com/music/cats.shtml)

Jim rolls over, shivering. It’s not often that he finds himself cold at o’dark thirty, especially since-- _Oh_.

His hand flops onto the empty, cold sheet next to him, seeking the hot lump that’s usually ensconced next to him, unmoving and grumbling, “Go back to sleep, Jim. ‘s too early to get up.” Only the lump isn’t there to grumble at him. He sighs.

He rubs his cold hand over his face, gently moving the sleepy crust from his eyes, and opens them slowly. It’s then that he finds his lump, his Bones, sitting on the end of the bed. “Aren’t you cold?” Jim says, his voice low and rough.

“Yeah, I am. Need to speak to engineering about pumping a little more heat in crew quarters when we’re getting up,” Leo says, rising. “Gonna grab a shower.”

“Bones--” Jim starts. “Bones, it’s going to be all right.”

“Yeah. Maybe.” The door slides shut with a little more force. Finality. Like a teenage girl would do after a fight with her best friend. Not that Jim has ever done that. Much.

Jim flops onto his back again, sighing. Again. Bones has been this way for days now, getting up early, listless sleeping, absent appetite. Lackluster sex--that’s the part that has Jim worried the most.

And it’s not because Jim is missing it for himself, though in truth, five years ago, that would’ve been his first thought. No, it’s because Bones is upset. And the cause of that upset is just a few hours away from coming on board his ship. Their ship.

He’s tried to get it out of Leo, what’s been going on between his daughter and him, but Leo is locked up tight about it. Which, really, is unlike him. Usually, he can’t wait to share Joanna’s latest and brilliant accomplishments, or the witty joke she told, or the heart-warming story about her life, her friends, her mom. Jim lives for the moments he can share the vid-call with Leo, seeher bright, smiling face, a face that is a smaller, sweeter, a more feminine echo of his partner’s.

Leo exits the head, towel tied around his waist. From the set of his shoulders and the mincing steps, Jim can tell he’s exhausted. _Little wonder. His sleep cycle has gone to shit._

Jim rises and comes up behind him, wrapping his arms around Leo’s slumping form. “Bones, please tell me what’s going on.”

A slight hesitation and Leo’s head falls back gently onto Jim’s shoulder. It’s the first real crack in his armor in days, and Jim takes full advantage of it, kissing the soft skin behind his ear and rubbing his nose along the shell. He carefully pulls him back to sit on the bed with him, holding him tightly around the shoulders. Leo turns into him, allowing him this moment of comfort.

“Tell me,” Jim pushes, just a little. “Aren’t you happy about Jo coming to visit?”

“Of course I’m happy. I’m--I’m ecstatic she’s going to spend time with me. With us.”

Jim smiles at the correction. He’s her Uncle Jim, has been since she was wee high. “If this is you ecstatic, then I’d hate to see you really worked up about something.”

Leo huffs into his neck. “It’s just that--there’s some--it’s some teenager phase...thing she’s going through.”

“But Bones, she’s only twelve,” Jim says with some false mirth, and kissing his cheek, hoping like hell it lightens him.

Leo shrugs out of Jim’s hold, and stands. “Yeah, well, tell her she’s not supposed to act like a sullen teen yet.”

“Sullen, huh? Rolls her eyes? Gives you the grumpy look? Folds her arms and looks away when you try to talk to her?” Jim leans back on his elbows as Leo moves about getting dressed. “Geez, Bones, sounds like she’s got all your mannerisms down pat.”

“Yeah, thanks for that, Jim.” Leo closes the drawer a little too hard.

“Oh, come on. I’m just teasing. Look, she’s nearly thirteen, she’s away from her mom and most of her friends for the first time. It’s gotta be tough going away to not just a different school, but a school on an entirely different planet.” Jim pulls his sleep shirt over his head and tosses it towards his pillow.

Leo turns to him. “But she really wanted to go to Cerberus. It was her idea, and she fought for it. Jocelyn didn’t want her to; I wasn’t thrilled with the thought that someone other than her mother would be raising her, but she made such a strong case for the Zeta Paor School, and how could we deny her attendance at such an excellent school?”

Jim’s heart breaks as Leo’s voice relays his concern, his confusion, his _hurt_ \--emotions he’s been bottling up inside for weeks now. It’s really not like Jo-Jo to give her father this much trouble. Something must be going down hard, more than just pissy attitude, for Leo to be this be this upset.

Leo pulls the science blue shirt over his head and straightens it. He sits on the edge of the bed and pulls on his socks then his boots. “Look, I’m not good at figuring out the mystery that is a teenage girl, but I’ll get through this.”

“No, Bones, _we’ll_ get through this,” Jim says, suddenly serious.

Leo gives him a weak smile. “Of course, darlin’. We will.” He leans over and gives Jim a quick kiss. “See you at breakfast in a little while.”

“You bet. Got some reports to finish approving, but I’ll stop by sickbay and get you.” Jim is energized by Leo’s kiss. Just being called ‘darlin’’ makes him feel like they can take on just about anything.

“Ok, see you soon.”

Jim watches him exit their quarters, then turns for the shower. He hums as he considers the mystery of Joanna McCoy.

Jo-Jo has always been a happy child, always greeting them with smiles and bouncy, excited chatter, telling them about school and friends and her puppy (who’s no longer a puppy, but no one has the heart to correct her) and...just everything. Jim’s heart swells recalling the first time Leo allowed him to talk to her, when she was all of six. He’d fallen for her hard, and she with him. Meeting her at their Academy commencement was like finding a piece of himself he’d never thought was lost. It was only because she was so much like Bones that he realized that he needed to know her to _know him_ completely.

Rubbing his wet head with a towel, Jim sits at his desk and looks at the picture of a then-ten year old Joanna, hugging her dad. Leo has a genuine smile on his face, a very rare occurrence, truth be told. Jim touches the frame and the image shifts to one of them facing each other, foreheads touching; the next is of all three of them, big goofy smiles and squinty eyes.

He sighs as he looks down at his PADD and calls up the first report that he needs to deal with.

~*~

When Jim arrives, Leo is already in the transporter room, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet. He does that when he’s nervous; he also clenches his fists and releases them. Jim surreptitiously closes his hand over one fist and squeezes.

“Captain, we have a go-ahead from the transport site,” the lieutenant on duty says.

“Energize,” Jim says calmly.

Within seconds, Joanna McCoy materializes on the pad, next to a large travel case and two smaller bags. She smiles broadly at him. “Uncle Jim!” she cries and launches herself at him.

“Jo!” Jim says, catching her up in his arms. He swings her around. “Wow! You have really grown, you little squirt.”

He releases her and she scowls at him. “Don’t call me that,” she says with what Jim hopes is feigned indignation. “I’m not little any more.”

“You’ll always be little to me,” Jim replies, warmly.

She stands back from him and turns. “Daddy,” she says quietly.

Jim watches as Leo hesitates, ever so slightly, before taking her in his arms. “Oh sweetheart, I am so glad to see you,” he hears him say into Joanna’s long, dark hair.

“Daddy.” Jim thinks there’s a little sob and Leo tightens his hug. _Whew, crisis averted_ , Jim thinks. _Knew it would clear up when they got together._

They part and Leo runs his hand down her face, giving her a smile. “Jo-Jo, what do you--”

“My name is Joanna,” she says. “I like to be called Joanna.”

“Oh. All right,” Leo replies, shooting Jim a look. “So how was school this year? Did exams go all right?” He steps up onto the pad to pick up her travel case.

“Hey, Bones, we can get someone to take that down to her quarters,” Jim interrupts beside him, picking up blue backpack and what looks like a laundry bag. “We’ll take these for now.”

“Sure, Jim.”

When they rejoin Joanna, her face is impassive, and her stance conveys a little annoyance. “I’ll take that,” she says to her dad, hand outstretched for the backpack.

“Nah, I got it.”

“Dad! Give it to me!”

Jim is just as surprised as Leo at the vehemence of her command. “Please, Daddy,” she corrects, “just let me carry my own things.”

Silently, he hands over the backpack, and Jim’s heart breaks just a little for him. They walk in silence, a heavy silence that Jim finds unnecessary. “So, Joanna, how’d school go?”

She shrugs. “OK, I guess.”

When it’s apparent she’s not going to volunteer any more information, Leo speaks up. “Well, I’m--your--Jim and I-- _I’m_ real glad to see you. Glad you’re going to spend the week with us.”

Jo looks back at him. “A week? I thought it was going to be three days! You told me _Enterprise_ was going to Starbase 24 where I could pick up the transport home. In three days.”

Leo opens and closes his mouth to respond, but Jim jumps in. “Change of plans. We’re detouring to a star that’s about to go supernova. The astrophysics and stellar science departments lobbied for the change, and our mission orders came through late yesterday.”

“And you didn’t think to tell me?” Joanna asks, her eyes fixed firmly on her father.

“My bad,” Jim says. “I didn’t inform the crew until this morning. And by that time we were almost here, and your dad got busy and I got busy.” Jim pauses. “I hope this isn’t going to be a problem.”

Joanna is still glaring at Leo. Jim winces inwardly. He’d been on the receiving end of that glare too many times. And how scary is it that Joanna has the Bones Death Glare down pat?

She turns to Jim and gives him a scant smile. “I’d like to go to my room now.”

“You’re bunking in with Ensign Rose,” Leo says. “She’s on the xenozoology crew. Takes care of the critters we’ve picked up for study.”

Jim watches another scowl bloom. “God, Dad, do you have to talk like that?”

“Like what?”

“Like you’re from Georgia.”

“I _am_ from Georgia, and so are you.” Leo’s voice takes on an edge.

“You don’t have to talk like it all the time, _Dad_ ,” she says. “They’re animals or creatures, not _critters_.”

Leo says nothing as they continue to the turbo lift. Jim can feel the hurt rolling off Leo in waves. “Hey, let’s settle you in and go get some lunch,” Jim says brightly, trying to get the McCoys out of the funk they’ve fallen into. “I’m sure I saw that Antarian stew you liked on the menu.”

“I’m vegetarian.”

“Since when did you--” Leo starts.

Jim interrupts, and gives Leo a _let’s not fight this battle here_ look. “Well, that works. We always have a vegan option or two. We have an awesome galley and our chef experiments with the fresh meats and vegetables we gather when we visit other worlds.”

Jim chatters on, desperate to keep the conversation going between father and daughter. _Fucking hell. What’s been going on between them?_

The ride to Deck 16 is excruciating. He’s resorted to telling them the history of the turbo lift, how the engineering of it and an ordinary elevator is different and the special gears that had to be invented to accommodate the fast change in orientation. By the time they reach Ensign Rose’s quarters, Jim’s pretty sure his head is going to explode from the tension headache that’s developed.

“Hello, Joanna, I’m Amelia Rose,” the soft-spoken zoologist says as she extends her hand. “I’m so pleased you’ll be rooming with me during your stay aboard _Enterprise_.”

“Ensign Rose is from--”

_“Captain Kirk to the bridge.”_

The announcement cuts through the conversation, really, Jim’s monologue, and Jim nearly dances a jig when he realizes he has to leave. He steps away to a comm panel and calls in. “Thank you, Spock,” Jim says quietly. “What’s up?”

“I do not know why you would thank me, Captain,” Spock says in a normal voice.

“Shh! Keep it down. I’m, uh...I’m in a public area.”

“This is not a security issue, Captain. However, you are requested on the bridge to assist with setting the parameters for our upcoming mission.”

“Understood. I’ll be there in a jiffy. Kirk out.”

Jim turns and smiles at Joanna and Rose. “Well, I need to move along. But I’ll meet you all for lunch at 1300, if you can wait that long.”

“Of course, Captain,” the ensign says. “We’ll see how Joanna feels after getting her things put up and I can take her down to the lab.”

“Well, actually,” Leo cuts in, “I think I have a tour set up with her with the civilian liaison officer, umm...Lt. Parker, for 1400.”

“Dad, I think I’d rather just stay with Amelia,” Joanna says. “If that’s all right.”

“Sure, honey. Now, Ensign Rose here has to work. . . .”

Jim turns and walks swiftly towards the turbo life. He’s not confident that Bones has it all in hand, but he’s willing to spin that story, just to get away from the frosty atmosphere between the McCoys. _It’s gonna be a very long week._

_Unless. . . ._

*~*

For three days, Jim has endured Leo’s wild mood swings. One minute he’s sulking and depressed; the next, he’s doing a slow burn. _At least he’s not raging about like a wounded bull_ , Jim thinks, as he awaits his partner’s return from “spending time” with his daughter.

_She’s changed. And changed not in a good way._

Jim sits on the sofa, alternately pinching the bridge of his nose to help alleviate the low-level headache _du jour_ and slowly sipping some of Leo’s bourbon. He doesn’t often indulge, not like he did when he was at the Academy when he and Bones regularly hit the bars to escape the pressure-cooker atmosphere of academic life. If there is one thing the cantankerous doctor has taught him it’s how to really enjoy bourbon. But right now, he has to restrain himself from chugging the entire bottle.

Over the three days she’s been aboard, Joanna has done everything in her power to avoid her father. She’s hung out with Jim in the Rec Room, and even in their quarters as long as Leo’s not there. He’s steered her towards the dining room for every single meal, only to have her clam up and push her food around her plate in Leo’s presence. He’s tried to play chess with her, get her to talk, but if Leo’s there, she says nary a word. He’s tried to drop broad hints that she can tell him anything-- _Anything at all, kiddo. You know I’d never violate your privacy, right?_

_I know, Uncle Jim._

_So, is everything all right with your mom?_

_Yeah, she’s fine._

_You excited about going home for the break?_

_Oh, sure._

_You going to do anything special?_

_Probably not. She’s leading a big project at work, and she’s pretty sure she’s not going to be finished when I get there. It’ll be just me during the day mostly._

_You like your school? Like being on Cerberus?_

_Yeah. Hey, can we go down to the stellar sciences lab? I want to see what else they’ve found._

And that is the extent of any insight into Joanna McCoy’s life. Her reticence to say anything about school raised a red flag, so in a move that he’s pretty sure would qualify as _interfering_ , he sent a sub-space message to Joanna’s advisor at Zeta Paor School, to see if he could find out if there wasn’t more to the formal written reports about Joanna’s accomplishments and social development.

He even calls Jocelyn Darnell to try to find out anything that was going on. The video link is terrible, but Jim plows ahead gamely, yelling at the fuzzy face on the screen to be heard over the static.

_Hey, Joce._

_Jim! What’s wrong? Is it Joanna? You haven’t blown up the ship, have you? What’s happened to Leo?_

_What? No, of course not! Nothing’s happened. It’s nothing. Bones is with Jo and I’ve got some time to kill so I thought I’d give you a call._

_Riiiiiight. What’s wrong?_

_Can’t a guy call his partner’s ex and have a nice conversation during a down-time?_

_No, Jim. Not from the busiest captain in Starfleet and on a sub-space link that’s this bad._

_Well, all right. You’ve got me there. There is something, actually. Do you know what’s up with Joanna?_

_What do you mean?_

_I mean, something is going on with her, and we’re both completely stumped. She won’t talk to Leo. She’s kinda short with me. And everything is a damn struggle. Where’d our sunny and sweet Jo-Jo go?_

_Oh, Jim. She’s twelve. Everything is dramatic and overwrought when you’re twelve. Just think about when you were that age. . ._

And then, the comm link dies.

Jim blinks. Twelve? What was he doing at the tender age of. . . _Christ on a fucking cracker._

Jim leans over and cradles his head in his hands. _At 12 I was being beaten by a sadistic drunk, watching my fourteen year old brother going round after round with him and finally packing his bags and leaving. Driving an antique car into the quarry. Being sent to the county medical facility for a suicide psych hold. Talking to shrinks. Being sent to Tars--_

_Jesus._

He leans back into the sofa and stares at the stars rushing past through the small porthole. That was a time in his life he doesn’t think much about any more. Frank is completely out of his life, having died years ago in a work-related accident. His mother is semi-retired and communicating with him regularly; they’d done the therapy and reconciled. He’s happy, happily employed doing good work, significant work, living a life he never thought in the realm of possibility when he was twelve. And he’s in love, and well and truly loved in return.

When Christopher Pike had found him on the floor of that bar that evening, under the fists of four of Starfleet’s best and brightest, and had challenged him to live a less ordinary life, Jim Kirk had hit rock bottom, had been at rock bottom for months. It’s taken him years to admit that to himself, but he’s gone and done it, pulled himself out of squalor, out of a life that had been headed. . .well, certainly not one that promised much. Instrumental in that slow, hard crawl back to the rim of self-respect, besides Pike, was a washed-out, drunk doctor and fellow bottom dweller named Leonard McCoy. Together they had pulled themselves up by their bootstraps, excelled academically, succeeded in garnering the respect of their peers and, most importantly, they healed. Maybe not totally, maybe not perfectly. But here they are: on the flagship and doing just fine. Together.

And is that what Joanna McCoy’s facing? Is she sitting on her own rock at the bottom of her life? Couldn’t be. She’s in a fancy boarding school, has loving parents, loads of family and friends. She and Jim lived completely different childhoods. And yet... _and yet._

They had one thing in common: both are missing a father.

Oh, sure, Leo’s alive, but he’s not _in_ her life, except on the periphery, in messages and occasional vid-links and even rarer in-person visits. And it’s not that she doesn’t know he’s there, but to a kid. . . _Mom was there, but she wasn’t_ , Jim thinks. _Did I really believe that she loved me at that age, that I was more important than Starfleet, her work, her ship?_

“Shit,” Jim breathes, and he leaps up from the sofa. “Computer, tell me the location of Dr. McCoy.”

_”Dr. McCoy is in the Chief Medical Officer’s office.”_

And that’s exactly where he doesn’t go.

*~*

“Jim, what’s going on? I was in the middle of something, and I really don’t appreciate--”

Leo stops as he enters their quarters. Ensign Rose is seated with Joanna at the small table, sipping a cup of tea with her. She stands as Jim enters, and giving Joanna’s arm a squeeze, she silently leaves.

“Sit.”

“What?”

“Bones, please,” Jim sighs, “just sit down. Joanna, come over here, please.”

Jim points to the sofa and Joanna sits as far away from her father as the sofa physically allows. Jim notices and pulls up a chair so that he’s sitting in the middle of the feuding McCoys.

“Look, I’m sh---er, I mean, I’m no good at this stuff, but you two need to talk. To each other. Right now. Because if you don’t, I’m gonna go nuts, commit hari-kari, or something, because this--this animosity between you two is _killing_ me.” Jim ran his hands through his hair. “I love you both. So damn much. You’re my two favorite people, and watching you just....do this to each other is _painful_. I’ve had a headache for three days. I can’t take it any more.”

“Well, Jim, you can--”

“No, I’m going to make sure you talk, because we are a family.” Jim takes Joanna’s hand in his. “I am your step-dad, and Jesus, that makes me shudder to even say the word, because my step-father was a low-life. He was a drunk and a coward and he treated me and my brother like dirt. I promise you, I _promise you_ , Joanna Eleanor McCoy, I will always love you, no matter what.”

Joanna looks at him like he’s grown two heads and turned green, but mostly she looked like she’s about to burst into tears. Jim holds his hand up. “Now, my part is over, except to ask one more question.” He looks her in the eyes. “Why are you treating your dad like he doesn’t exist?”

She looks at him, and her mouth open and closes like a fish. “I...don’t. Not really.”

Jim looks at Leo. “Really? Truth?”

Leo’s face clouds over. “Do we have to do this?”

“YES!” Jim practically yells, and both McCoys jump a little. “God, Bones. Yes, we have to do this. Jo-Jo, and yes, I’m calling you by the only name I have ever called you, not to spite you, or to make you into a baby, but because it is the name you gave yourself when you met me. You will always be my sweet Jo-Jo, so get over it and move on.” Jim is breathing hard after that admonition; in fact, if there’s anything he wants to come out of this discussion is to retain the right to call her by her sweetest name. “Jo-Jo, your father has been miserable for weeks. I called your mother, I even messaged your academic advisor. And you can hate me for it later, but right now, I want to know what’s going on.”

Joanna’s face turns red and tears fills her eyes, then slowly spill down her cheeks. Leo instantly moves to her side and gathers her in his arms. “Come on, Jim. That’s enough.”

“No, it’s not. Jo-Jo, you are twelve years old. Do you know what I did at twelve? I drove a car over the edge of a quarry just so my jerk of a step-father wouldn’t sell it to make booze money. I dodged drunken fists. I was in and out of trouble at school. But mostly--mostly, I was missing my mother and my father. I knew I would never have a shot at having a dad, but I had a mom and it took us another fifteen years to figure it all out, and it was hard, _so hard_ , but you know, I love her very much, and I know she loves me. I don’t want you to wait until you’re nearly thirty to know how much your dad, and your mom, and I, love you.”

Leo hugs her closely as the sobs come forth. But Joanna raises her head from his broad, comforting chest and chokes, out, “I--I. . .my friends told me Daddy couldn’t love me because he left us to enter Starfleet. And that he can’t love me now because he’s this famous doctor and he has you and he flies around on a starship and why would he want to have a kid when he could be doing this famous stuff, and--”

“Wait, wait,” Leo says, taking her by the upper arms and gently pushing her away so he can look at her. “Who said all this?”

“My best friend at school,” Joanna huffs out in between gulping breaths. “Tarothenia P’Tolm says her parents told her humans don’t have the same attachment to their children as Andorians and that because you left, that meant you didn’t love me.”

Jim sits back in his chair, biting his lip because he so badly wants to intervene in that comment and fucking _lay waste_ to it, but he looks at the look of anger and shock and dismay on Leo’s face and waits.

“Joanna,” Leo begins, “that is absolutely wrong. Absolutely. I love you more than anything in the universe. Now, as for being a terrible father, I’ll agree that I am, and I regret that more than I can ever say.”

“Bones--” Jim protests.

“No, wait,” Leo says, holding up his hand. “Do you know why I left when you were a baby? Has your mom told you anything about why we got divorced?”

“No,” Joanna says, shaking her head, then stops and shrugs. “Well, a little. She said you needed to leave and Starfleet was the only option for you at the time.”

“She’s right,” Leo says. He takes a deep breath. “Has she ever told you about my father, your grandpa David?”

She shakes her head, but says, “Only that he died. I have some vid-images of him holding me when I’m really little, and of you with him when you were younger.”

Leo looks up at Jim, eyes full of so much emotion; Jim reaches for him and hangs on. “Jo-Jo, I left because I killed your grandpa.”

“Bones,” Jim says fiercely, “that is so not the way it happened.”

“You killed him?” Joanna asks, wiping at her face.

“He did not,” Jim says emphatically before Leo can get another word in. “Either you tell it right or I will, Bones.”

Leo is silent for a few seconds and then he says quietly, “Jim is right. I--I didn’t murder him, but I did end his life at his request because he was suffering so much. It was and always will be the hardest and most tragic thing I’ve ever done.”

“How?” she asks. Jim’s not sure if she’s mortified, but it certainly has captured her attention.

Leo sighs. “I gave him an overdose of a pain medication that made him go to sleep and then shut down his nervous system. He didn’t feel anything except peace at the end.”

Joanna sniffed again. “But that’s good, isn’t it?”

“In a way, yes, for him, since he was very near death anyway and in agony. The disease he had leaves its victims in a great deal of pain.”

She nods, as if she’s trying to will herself to understand it. “So why did you divorce Mama after that?”

Leo sighs, leaning into the sofa and allowing his head to drop to the cushion. “Because in my desire to save my father and find a cure for his illness, I completely neglected you and her. And--and, I changed. I became very angry at myself and took it out on the people I loved the most. I tried to cover up the pain of my failure to save my father by drinking heavily. I lost my job and very nearly lost my medical license. So to protect you, your mother and I divorced, and together, we decided that I should leave.”

Joanna looks at him like she’s seeing him for the very first time. “So why didn’t you ever come see me?”

Leo scrubs his hand over his face. “It took a long time for me to recover. Your mama, she didn’t want you to see me when I was at my worst, so full of self-loathing and pity. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to see you; it’s because I just _couldn’t_. And besides, she did a great job of raising you. I trusted her to raise you, with the right values and with lots of love. Your mama is an amazing woman and a good mom. She put up with a lot from me during that time. It was my idea for us to divorce, to protect you both from me. I loved you both enough to set you free from my misery.”

“But after you got better, why didn’t you get back together?”

“By that time, I was committed to Starfleet and she’d married Clay,” Leo says, taking both of her hands in his. “I’ve known Clay a long time. He’s a good guy, and I knew he’d love and care for you and your mama.

“Joanna, not a day goes by that I don’t think about you, that I don’t wonder what you’re doing and if you’re happy or sad or frustrated or lonely. I write to you every single day. All those messages you receive from me are composed of short thoughts I write, sometimes many times a day. I have a document tab open on my PADD all the time, just in case I think of something to say to you.”

“It’s true,” Jim says, taking one of their hands in each of his. “I’ve seen it. He talks about you all the time. With anyone who’ll sit still long enough.”

Joanna giggles softly at that.

Leo sits up and pulls her closer. “I am so sorry your friend thinks that just because I don’t see you often means that I don’t love you. Love is complicated, and love makes us do really hard things, like leaving you so that you were protected from my anger. I loved you and your mama so much that I only wanted the best for you.”

Joanna’s eyes well up again, and she buries her face in her father’s arms. Jim wipes the tears from his own eyes as he shifts over to the sofa to wrap his arms around them both. They stay like that for several minutes, Joanna’s sobs subsiding into hiccups.

Finally, Jim gets up to retrieve towels so they can mop their wet faces. They land in a heap on the sofa again, this time with Joanna sandwiched in between them, joined hands.

“I’m so sorry, Daddy,” Joanna says. “I’m so sorry I ever thought you didn’t love me.”

“Now, now, no more crying,” Leo says, wiping her tears with his finger. “Look, you’re making your Uncle Jim tear up.

Jim laughs, as his voice turns teary. “It’s--it’s totally tr-true. And I never c-cry.” He fake-sobs into her hair.

She laughs and squirms as he tickles her. “I need a new name for you,” Joanna says, turning to look at him. “You’re not my uncle. You’re like my dad. My other dad.”

“I can just be ‘Other Dad’,” Jim suggests helpfully.

“Nah,” Joanna says. “How about you be my Papa.”

“Hmm...How about ‘vAv’? That’s ‘father’ in Klingon,” Jim says.

“Klingon?” Leo scoffs. “Come on, Jim. I don’t want my daughter calling you a word in our sworn enemy’s language.”

“But Klingon is so awesome!”

*~*

Later, much later, Joanna is sleeping peacefully on the sofa in their quarters; they had all stayed up way late talking and enjoying telling tales of their various adventures, enjoying their true reunion. She was unwilling to be parted from her dad--her dads--so Jim retrieved her things from Ensign Rose’s cabin. And while Jim would have preferred to have their quarters to themselves, to enjoy a more intimate reunion and renewal with his now-happy partner, there was no way Jim was going to deny them the physical closeness that they all craved.

But deep in the night, Jim rolls over and wraps his arm around his Bones, his hot, slumbering lump. And Leo, traveling through his dreams, gathers Jim’s hand in his, and presses it to his heart.


End file.
